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How Do I Move On When My Heart Remains Stuck?
I selected the title ‘how do i move on’ because I can’t tell you the countless times I’ve personally searched for this title, wishing I could find the answer.
- what is ‘expected‘About us and how’Suitable for‘ into our lives
You know when your emotions and feelings stick to the same path and never take a different path? Having to live with this can be an exasperatingly frustrating thing to do.
– the University.
– Midlife crisis; this can be in the form of cheating, doing outrageous things that don’t fit into one’s normal personality, abandoning an old routine/life for a new one or a whole host of other things a person might do.
– Coffin shopping.
– or something similar…
– It’s school again.
– Slight rebellious phase.
– soul search>?
*sigh* I used to think life would get easier. When I was little, I used to squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I was old enough to do everything. ” Interesting things‘ only ‘big shot‘ seems to be allowed to do so. I know very little.
I grew up living without a family when I also moved, experienced minor mental and physical abuse by wards (though thankfully not in a sexual way), academic failure (and all the “ego” issues that came with it ), dealing with loss, being temporarily physically challenged and having to grow faster than I expected. (Though how many of us have had that experience?!)
Now, despite everything I’ve been through, nothing has prepared me to fall in love and the intense emotions that come with it. Another blogger, Maggie, posted an article about the different stages of heartbreak. After reading and listening to it, my eyes widened like crazy. I just couldn’t stop crying. It touches me to the core.
The song “Daughter’s Youth” accurately describes how I feel. do you know? I didn’t know that was how I felt! It wasn’t until I heard it, when I cried out my eyes and hailstones fell from my face, that I realized what I was hiding so deep inside of myself that I actually forgot it was there.
I started writing to help get things out instead of keeping it all inside like I always did and really trying to get better. So yes, I write to give advice to my readers and myself.
you know what i realized
I kept telling myself: yes, I’m fine. I may not be perfect, but I’m doing well, I’m really perfect. I wake up in the morning, eat, laugh, work and set new goals, etc. So that must mean I’m fine, right? !
guess what? It’s all nonsense!
Because I’m sharing my feelings but totally not only suppressing but utterly ignoring my feelings really feel In my heart.
I locked the core of my heart and swallowed the key (thinking about it now, I actually remember a long time ago I thought in my heart that I was going to close and lock that part of my heart and never face it or open it again. Even I forgot up).
I know a lot of positive implementation steps, books and rules to improve my life and really try to implement it for myself. do you know? I’ve “just” realized why I find them boring, why they all sound the same to me…it’s because they lack the most basic ingredients of anything that could be considered successful. They lack: Heart.
I was reminded yet again why I started blogging in the first place. Hopefully I can incorporate a little of this vital ingredient into my daily routine and pass it on to my readers as well. Heart。 Many things in life these days don’t have top priority and it’s hard for us as humans to live.
I consciously know I won’t get very far in life until I really open upI kept talking about being truly open, but I didn’t even realize I wasn’t doing it myself until I heard the reality of “youth” and how I really felt deep inside, crashing around me!
- Why Despite Everything, I ‘Can’t’ and ‘Won’t’ Give Everything About Me
Do you want to know why I’ve been subconsciously denying my emotions and how I feel?Because somewhere inside of me is afraid that I willjudge‘. if ‘feelings‘is involuntary so why do we feel so scared’Feel‘ them? Since they are not under our control, shouldn’t they be part of us? I suspect I’m the only person on earth who feels this way.
so yes. In a judging society, I do have a fear of showing my (acceptable) inner thoughts and feelings.
Let me give you an example: I was sitting in the living room of a good friend’s house the other day, and it was freezing. We get up, go to the kitchen to make some popcorn, and watch a movie, and then she’s gone; Jay, why don’t you “put yourself out there” and already find a man (those off-the-line stuff).
Now she keeps repeating that every now and then, and I’ll smile and shrug, not really wanting to talk about it. Now, every time she says that, on the surface I try and act like I don’t care, while inside I scream: I want it, even though I don’t know how! Part of me is still very much hung up on who I love and who I leave! Even so, I want to learn to love again, and I don’t want to die alone! I crave it so much that there is not a day that I don’t wish for it!
will i tell her No.
When we are in the kitchen:
– Her: You still like the one you love.
– Me: (automatic response) No! not really…
– Her: *smirks* We’ve been friends for almost five years and you’ve been in love with him since I met you.
– Me: (I explained this by now; as she said, seriously! In other words, already started) *smile* Silence (in my opinion, I hope she knows what I’m thinking right now)
And then it was over (we were close enough that she knew not to push me on things I didn’t want to talk about, and I was grateful for that). this is what i call ‘judge‘ and ‘expect‘Whether intentionally or not.
I mean isn’t this expected? Already moved on? Isn’t this part of the norm? Do (insert: *list of things) move on and get over someone? If you don’t, then there will be some ‘Incorrect‘ with you? If I did and I still didn’t move on, it’s even worse now I have’She has unhealthy attachment syndrome to people‘?
Well, what happens when it doesn’t turn out that way? Wouldn’t it be understandable if the person ended up “turning off” somehow? I don’t know about you, this is what happened to me.
honestly no one here real Want to hear someone keep talking about the same thing. After all, who wants to be around that kind of negativity all the time? Not much, which makes perfect sense.
- The ugly truth about how I sometimessee myself‘
you see i feel abnormal About how I feel.How I feel about people I know hasn’t changed much shouldn’t’ Still harboring feelings. (Yes, I know we have a right to feel what we do, and I love and adore every piece of advice I get on this. After all, where would we be without reminders?)
It still hasn’t changed how I feel. Now just because I feel this way doesn’t mean I am how I feel. I just feel it. I’m ‘Informed’ about how extraordinary we are as people.
lose my’Love‘and let him tell me’he treats me badly‘ (This is the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ card, which actually translates to: It’s not me, it’s you!) made me feel like a total failure. Every time I hear his name, my heart just keeps dying, sometimes I get irregular but consistent feelings of fear and sadness, but I just force myself to push it away and bear it until it passes. I made a mistake that I can never take back. One mistake I realized was “wrong” at the time. I know that’s not necessarily why he left. The problem is I really believed I was “okay” until I realized the truth is…
– not enough/never good enough.
– Not believable.
– Not required.
– be rejected.
– not important.
– As if my “love” wasn’t good enough or worthy.
He was replaced without looking back. I don’t know if he has ever loved me. Or whether he will remember my existence. Sometimes I’m surprised he even remembers my name. I am easy to discard after all. I know I shouldn’t care, but a part of me does.
- It’s better to admit than to suppress my emotions
Feelings are out of control so I can’t blame him or myself. he didn’t Do give me anything. To do something to someone is to physically beat someone, to physically force them to do something or anything. Otherwise, no matter how we feel, we are the ones who are fully responsible for what goes on inside our bodies, minds, hearts and everything. sometimes it’s just ‘Easier‘Someone is coming’blame‘.
So how can I blame him? He wants to be with “the one” that he will never be me…it’s my life and hopefully one day I can get over it.
I’m even a little grateful that he left me. It would be the worst if I continued to love him and stay true to him when he was different to me. This is better, right? !
I can’t get over the shame of it all. It eats me up. I struggle silently in my heart every day. Unfortunately, denying it doesn’t remove its presence, so there you have it.
I think that’s why I don’t like the ‘how to move on‘ and ‘heal‘Wait… Whenever I read them, it’s like I’ve finished them. Also because they are not for ‘everyone‘. I prefer ‘options and ideas‘ replace ‘list of settings‘ for any given thing. Each of us is different, which is why I love knowing that everyone has different techniques.
thanks for reading.
Oh yes, about that title: I’m still looking…
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#Move #Heart #Remains #Stuck