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Being a Christian, Being Bipolar and a Prophetic Christian
manic pleasure trumps all
The other day I asked a friend, a friend from my student days who had bipolar disorder like me, “Where is the high of ‘mania’ compared to all the meds you’ve been on?”
“It trumps everything,” he replied with a knowing smile.
Well, the only drug I’ve ever done was marijuana, which drove me a little crazy, I’ve only smoked it a few times, and the more I say no, the more I get this drug for free from all kinds of people. So I have to take my friend’s advice.
Because orgasms are so powerful and grand visions are so good, anyone wants to actually make your vision come true. For many years I have believed that I am one of the last two prophets who will visit Earth before Christ returns. These prophets have an entire chapter dedicated to them in Revelation 11, and I wanted to understand my work and spent years trying to find “another” prophet. It hurts my heart. During the years that I believed I was one of the two prophets, very few people seemed to agree with me. The idea of being one of the most important figures in the history of the world gave me a strong sense of importance and greatly enhanced my low self-esteem.
Bipolar “high” is a feeling for me that I’m powerful, I’m right, everyone else is wrong, and when I need to go to the hospital, I’m the only one who seems to think I don’t have to. This makes people who love me very distressed.
Your friends and family suffer.
My friends and family have been devastated by my illness and I believe this is why I continue to take my medication. I saw my mother in tears and was very worried and the image was always in my mind. The disease can be very deceiving when a person is suffering, and when all is not well, the “voice” will tell you that all is well. My heart goes out to the loved ones of those who are suffering.
I might add that in the six years between hospital visits, my sense of being one of the two prophets mentioned hasn’t gone away, but my need to tell people I am has diminished considerably.
Antidepressants get me high.
I’ve experienced a strange thing that I was told is possible. I’ve been in chronic depression, but manic. This seems impossible, but it happened to me.
I was on about half a dozen antidepressants, all of which made me manic after a few weeks. So, in my medicated depression, I shot through the roof like crazy and nearly ended up in the hospital. I didn’t sleep for three days, two full nights, until my roommate reported me to my caseworker, and the medical staff came and questioned me.
Let me add a notice here for anyone who suffers from depression or knows someone who suffers from depression. The only drug that doesn’t get me high but does treat my depression and clear up the bad mood is St. John’s Wort. I take it in the form of pills and it works really well for me whenever I get into a major depression, for me about once a year I take St John’s wort and it takes about three weeks to clear up in my established and functioning in the system.
You may lose your creativity due to drugs.
As a writer, when I was on medication, I lost the ability to write. I wrote two four-hundred-page novels and two one-hundred-and-twenty-page screenplays, and I was on drugs for about three years and couldn’t write, which was very sad for me. I’ve been retrieving this gift over the past few years and I couldn’t be happier with it. I must warn you that if you are a carer for someone with bipolar disorder or any other mental illness, the urge to ditch the meds in order to regain creativity is very strong. It’s very sad that drugs steal your talent. I think for many artists, the choice between being creative and being sane is really a difficult choice.
Getting up for days on end excites me and allows me to be creative.
It’s hard to explain and express how I feel in words when I stay up late for two days. My creativity seemed to increase, and I became more “anointed,” in Christian parlance. It’s exciting to be able to stay up all day with friends, stay up late into the night, then go home and stay up late, and do it all day and night. Around the second night, I was in the flow of things, typing a message or writing something seemed really easy, as easy as finding a key on the keyboard. All my loved ones seemed concerned when they found out that I had been sleeping for days. They all seem to know that if they get a call early in the morning, they’ll know that I’ve been up all night because they know my habit of sleeping in. I wrote it in a piece called “The Man Who Played Football Changed My Life Forever,” which has to be one of the best pieces I’ve ever written in my life, and it was done after staying up all night. Writing for me is my passion and I feel like my illness has helped me. I figured if my illness was taken away, my writing talent might be taken away too.
I lost my confidence due to my three breakdowns.
It has to be said that owning Bipolar is not an easy task. One of the things it did to me was it took away some of my confidence. It used to be easy to have a full time job and live like a normal person, but now it’s much harder, the idea of working full time is too difficult for me to understand now.
Bipolar also has a stigma, it takes its toll.
People will think you are stupid because you have a problem with your mind. As a born-again Christian who has heard from God, this puts me in an interesting camp. Some people think that because I’m bipolar I don’t hear the voice of God and am deluded. In my Christian experience, this puts me on the edge or edge. Because I hear “voices” people think I’ve never heard the right “voice” and they shouldn’t be listening to anything I feel God is saying to me and to them.
Of course, when I consulted a professional, they weren’t very helpful because they called my voice an auditory hallucination. In all the years I’ve been seeing doctors, I’m not really sure what they think, but they definitely don’t think I hear God’s voice because they don’t believe in God.
On the other hand, the church I go to doesn’t seem to think about being possessed today, so they can’t help much either. It’s frustrating.
Sometimes I wish I knew a Christian mental illness expert. Does anyone know if the “voice” I’m hearing is both the Holy Spirit and an evil spirit, and does anyone know the difference between these spirits being “inside me” or just communicating with me.
In addition to being misunderstood and shamed, we have to suffer alone, or have other friends who can suffer with us. This can get you down sometimes. I’ve found that this solitude helps my relationship with Jesus.
People might say I’m too spiritual. People seem to like having Jesus Christ and their spiritual life in a compartment in their lives that is only available on Sundays.
Nobody wants to listen in the mental health system.
One of the things that bothers me is that in the twelve years or so I’ve been working in the mental health system, no one seems to really listen to me. Doctors have listened long enough to find out what delusions are and what they want to know, but no one seems to be able to dig out the core issues in a person’s life and refer them to a counselor who can help with those emotional issues. This disturbs me because I don’t feel like I’m the only victim.
One good thing I have to say is that for me the medicine really works. When I don’t take my meds, the voices go crazy and they trick me into doing really crazy things. Without the drugs, I reckon I’d be in jail forever.
Sadly, the church seems to have failed me, and the mental health system has failed me in some ways, and the two seem to be at odds with each other. I once told one of my doctors that if hearing God’s voice was a prerequisite for mental illness, then most missionaries in the world should be on medication.
The educated world is science-based, but what happens inside is spiritual.
In the scientific world, Noah’s flood did not happen, the ten plagues of Moses did not happen, and the miracles of Jesus Christ did not happen.
Yet I know a guy who made two bottles of Coke appear out of thin air, a guy who raised a man from the dead through prayers, a guy who blessed an entire region of cattle with some kind of oil, and a guy who died three days after being raised from the dead. Both of these men live in India and they are doing the great miracles of Jesus Christ today.
I know that not much in my articles will convince skeptics about spiritual things. I am not writing these things to educate doctors. I am writing just to share my heart with Christians who are bipolar or who know someone who is bipolar.
I’m miserable because sometimes all I can do is sleep.
Psychopaths suffer. I’m staying up late tonight just because I’m stuck in a 3 day sleep cycle all day and if it keeps going it’s going to send me into depression. Something I don’t want to happen, so I want to break the cycle.
You just can’t get out of clinical depression.
Clinical depression is not something that a person can suddenly shake off. I know Jesus Christ and His peace and joy can counteract it, but you have to get that blessing. Doctors don’t seem to like St. John’s wort because they say it’s dangerous to take with other prescription drugs, but I’ve never seen a doctor worry about two or three prescription drugs interacting with each other. If your loved one has unmanageable depression, St. John’s wort can be valuable in many situations. Take it from someone with severe depression.
It is not good to listen to evil spirits.
As a suffering person, I often hear a voice that I believe to be the Holy Spirit (the voice of God), but is actually a demon (fallen angel) posing as the Holy Spirit. This false jesus speaking to me will do me a lot of harm and will twist things for me and lead me to say and do bad things. Last week, a pastor who runs a good church told me that I could tell by my “voice” if it was the Holy Spirit. A bipolar best friend of mine asked the same question, so now I’m taking it. 1 John 4:1-6 addresses this issue.
It was this spirit that told me I was one of the last two prophets and got me into all kinds of trouble over the years. As a Christian, it’s tempting to switch off and not listen to the Holy Spirit or that spiritual voice, and I did that for a whole year.
I once told my doctor that I could turn off my voice voluntarily, and he was shocked and wondered why I didn’t. I told him that if he heard God’s voice, he would turn around and shut up, and he told me God doesn’t exist. That wasn’t a very informative conversation, except I really shocked him, which shocked me because he has about 300 patients, and I’m surprised another one of them didn’t tell him the same thing.
There are many people who hear voices, some who make a career out of it, are called mediums and clairvoyants, and make money.
Hearing the word of God brings blessings.
Still others hear the Holy Spirit very clearly and receive messages for individuals or groups of people, a gift known as prophecy. Every few weeks in church, the Lord would give me a message about the people in church, and I was often happy when the songs and messages that were preached that day were in line with prophecy.
Many times, I have received messages from God to complete strangers, people are very happy to receive a message from God, most people are very lucky to receive this message. Something as simple as telling men and women that God designed them for each other and that they should marry often brings great joy to the ladies and confidence to the men.
I hope the time I invested was helpful to you. I hope you now understand more about my mental illness. I also have symptoms of schizophrenia, but I didn’t put it in the title.
I will not shut down my voice, the gift of prophecy has blessed me and others a lot. For a year, I have provided free prophecy online to Christians around the world. It’s amazing how lucky some people are.
I have my ups and downs, but some people suffer more than me.
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